As I sit snuggled up on my soft couch, writing and waiting for my four little children to soon rise and scamper downstairs to all pile up next to me, I thank God for this place of safety and peace and rest; this sweet place my husband provides for us to live and learn and laugh - this precious place called home.
Words by Laura Dill.
“Few things we can do in this world are so well worth doing as the making of a beautiful and happy home.” - J.R. Miller
It is a beautiful and obvious thing to me that in the bringing up of children, the care of the home is something that we cannot afford to take lightly. Yet somewhere along the way - along this stream of history that we all play a part in we have lost our sense of the significant value of the homes in which we dwell. I am not speaking of the cost of the home, of course. I mean the value of homemaking - of understanding how precious and even crucial it is for home life to be given proper time and attention.
My children will soon wake up and I’ll get to cover them in warm hugs and kisses and ask about their dreams. Then I’ll get to cook them a warm breakfast made with intention, made without a rush, and made with the help of their small and sticky little hands eager to crack eggs and knead dough. Through it all I’ll think to myself, how blessed am I! I have no where to be but right here with my children, pouring love into their little hearts, instilling in them a love for home life, for family, and appreciation for all the simple yet beautiful things God fills our days with. I get to watch my children learn and grow. I get to witness all the wonder that sparkles in their eyes as they discover new amazements that adults have grown dull to, and I get to enjoy this world of wonder along with them.
But sadly, this is not the norm anymore. The norm is alarm clocks, rushed mornings, the dispersement of every family member to different locations for the majority of the day, a house that is left empty until 5 or 6pm, a few more rushed hours before bedtime which usually includes take-out rather than a home-cooked meal made with love, and off everyone goes to bed ready to repeat the same schedule tomorrow. And somehow, this is what’s applauded.
Due to the unfortunate takeover of feminism - largely this past century - women have been taught from their youth that their highest value and contribution to the world lies not in the home, but out in the public sphere. They are told that if their work isn’t seen, then it isn’t worthwhile.
But how untrue this is! If only a woman could see how immeasurably wonderful it is - how immeasurably fulfilling and valuable - to marry, create little humans to love and nurture, and to pour into these people God has blessed us with as our family, giving ourselves to their health and joy and wellbeing.
Selflessness has become a lost virtue, but its beauty remains. When a wife finds joy in helping and serving her husband, and when a mother seeks no other ambition than to nurture and raise and care for her little ones, all in her home are blessed, and will go out fortified to flourish in society.
In his wonderful book, HomeMaking, J.R. Miller rightly assessed, “The woman who makes a sweet, beautiful home, filling it with love and prayer and purity, is doing something better than anything else her hands could find to do beneath the skies.” These words are invaluable today, because the home has now become a space of neglect - a pit stop in between scattered dispersements of individuals. But look at the detriments of our newfound neglect of home life: divorce rates have skyrocketed, husbands are left without a loving and supportive helper, children are raised by daycare centers and government institutions rather than by their own mothers, babies aren’t given the right to life, and contrary to their expectations women are more depressed and medicated than ever. There is no denying that these are all consequences of society telling women to leave their homes to pursue a more “valuable” vocation…a vocation of empty promises.
“If you’re a mother, nothing is more valuable than giving yourself to your children and husband and home. It may not be noticed. It may not be applauded. It may be belittled by the world. But it is the most needed and valuable way you can spend your time and energy.”
But oh how I wish I could get women to see that motherhood and marriage and the care of the home are a woman’s most valuable vocation. How I long to encourage young mothers not to be discouraged if the world thinks that “all they’re doing” is raising children and being a homemaker. It is this discouragement that sets into the minds of far too many women that they are not doing enough in pouring themselves into raising the next generation. It is this discouragement that drives far too many women away from their homes, away from their husbands and children, in pursuit of something “more” - more noble, more noticeable.
But if you’re a mother, nothing is more valuable than giving yourself to your children and husband and home. It may not be noticed. It may not be applauded. It may be belittled by the world. But it is the most needed and valuable way you can spend your time and energy. You are raising and teaching and nourishing little souls who need their mother and thrive in her presence. You are nourishing little minds and bodies who need a warm and loving environment, one where they have freedom to play, freedom to learn, freedom to enjoy a special meal cooked with love just for them, and the time to linger around the meal and have meaningful conversations about all the curiosities that take place in their growing minds. And these meals aren’t special because they are only once in a while…they take place every single day and are special every single day. And on very special days, the joy of hospitality enters the home, and the children get to witness the delight of creating a beautiful and welcoming environment for beloved guests - one filled with warmth, love, listening, good food, and above all, good friendship. The art of hospitality has been lost in this fast-paced, fast-food, screen-focused culture. It is no light matter to revive the virtue of true hospitality, and restore the beauty of intentional homemaking.
In his beloved book, J.R. Miller further wrote, “Oh that God would give every mother a vision of the glory and splendor of the work that is given to her when a babe is placed in her bosom to be nursed and trained! Could she have but one glimpse into the future of that life as it reaches on into eternity; could she look into it’s soul to see it’s possibilities; could she be made to understand her own personal responsibility for the training of this child, for the development of its life, and for its destiny - she would see that in all God’s world there is no other work so noble and so worthy of her best powers, and she would commit to no other hands the sacred and holy trust given to her.”
How true his poetic words are! The heart and hands of a mother are abundantly needed in the home - far more than out in any self-serving ambition. The world tells us to chase our dreams, without giving us a choice of what those dreams are. It lays out for us various options that all exclusively entail hustle-culture, public recognition, and abandonment of the home. These options, we are told, are the path to fulfillment. But the irony is that any self-serving ambition inevitably leaves us empty. There is a beauty in selflessness, in living for another. Not only a beauty, but there is a deep joy and fulfillment that can be found no where else than in selflessness. We all know the phrase, “It is better to give than to receive.” This is not only in regard to the giving of gifts, but to the giving of ourselves. The world thinks I am oppressed for being a homemaker. They do not know that my heart overflows every single day with abundant love and joy and gratitude. At times I become so overwhelmed with the blessings God gives me that I must fall to my knees in thankfulness to Him. Life so often feels like a beautiful dream, yet it is reality. My friends, don’t listen to the world. The world lies and leaves you empty. It does not matter that your work is not seen. Being seen does not make something valuable. The bringing up of respectful, loving, wonder-filled little humans is more valuable than any promotion or certificate we could attain.
If God has blessed us with motherhood, He has given us full hands and a full heart and enough work to fill every moment of our days with eternal purpose. Don’t trade that for something less. Children are worth more than that.
And so are our husbands! Contrary to the increasingly popular yet false belief that men are to blame for everything, our husbands are invaluable humans created and loved by God just like women, yet as men they have different needs than us. While women need to be loved, protected, and cherished by men, men need to be respected and supported by women.
A very significant way wives can support their husbands is through lovingly taking care of the home. It would be worthwhile to write an entire essay on the importance of being a helpmeet to our husbands, because it is so crucial yet so undermined in our society. But after ten years of marriage I see firsthand how truly significant this is.
Just last night my husband was expressing to me how grateful he is for my support in what he does. He was away at work for a week and came home around 9pm. He told me (summarized): “Thank you so much for making my life so easy. You have no idea how much it helps me that you support me and take care of the home and never nag me for working so much. I am able to focus so freely on my work without having to worry about you being upset and without having to worry about coming home to chores for me to do. Every day at work I hear other men express their frustrations with their angry wives at home - how she is complaining that her husband works too much, or is away too much, or doesn’t help enough with the housework, or isn’t putting enough effort into the marriage, etc. And I always think how blessed I am that I don’t have this burden. I am free to give my all to the jobs I have, knowing you have home life taken care of and you aren’t mad at me. You have no idea what this means to a man.”
He said these words nearly verbatim last night, and I just thought, It really is true - God created man with a mission, and he gave man a helper to be just that to him…a helper. And look how happy the man is and how effective he can be when the wife lovingly supports his endeavors and delights in taking care of their home. This is not something I’m just reading about…I’m experiencing it in real life.
Now this is not to say men cannot nor should not contribute to domestic work. Men love their homes and many delight in beautifying their living space, as well as cooking, cleaning, and fixing things. But the reality remains that men are more geared (dare I say, designed) toward working and providing in the public sphere, while women are more designed for home life.
“Home is the true wife’s kingdom” - J.R. Miller
Frustrations can arise within a home or marriage where the wife demands that the husband perform the domestic duties while she pursues her career. This is not the natural order (simply look at our biology/anatomy and which of our bodies require us to be home nursing children, and which of our emotions are catered to nurture rather than managing outside mental and physical stress).
But differing roles does not equate to differing value. The immeasurable value of our dedication to the home cannot be underestimated. The husband’s work in the public sphere does not hold more worth than the critical work done in the home. Everything done in the public sphere is in fact to honor and serve the homemaker. C.S. Lewis, in a 1955 letter to a Mrs. Ashton, called a housewife’s work “the most important work in the world,” asking what ships, railways, government and the rest exist for “except that people may be fed, warmed, and safe in their own homes” (Letters of C.S. Lewis). J.R. Miller knew this as well when he wrote, “Home is the true wife’s kingdom. Very largely does the wife hold in her hands, as a sacred trust, the happiness and the highest good of the hearts that nestle there. The best husband - the truest, the noblest, the gentlest, the richest-hearted - cannot make his home happy if his wife be not, in every reasonable sense, a helpmate to him.”
Oh that this role wouldn’t be looked down upon, but would be treasured for the priceless privilege that it is! We homemakers have the honor of teaching and shaping our precious children into joyful, wonder-filled humans. We have the privilege of giving them their childhood and all that that entails. We have the ever-large responsibility of wearing multiple (may I say endless) hats all throughout each day. We are caregivers, nurses, teachers, gardeners, housekeepers, assistants, educators, chefs, therapists, counselors (the list goes on) all in one. And I write this list with great honor. Women have been taught to look down on these roles when they take place in the home simply because it is all unseen and unpaid. But we have lost the virtue of serving without needing recognition or payment. All that we do should be done in love, with gratitude and joy, as unto the Lord. “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men” (Col. 3:23).
“The joy of tucking our children in at night, with full tummies and warm blankets and hearts that know they are loved, is whatís in it for us”
I often hear the loaded term “unpaid labor” (loaded with bitterness), but what a sad analysis this is. We should not need payment as an incentive to care for our children and our home. All that we do should be out of love, not financial gain or public praise or “what’s in it for me.”
The joy of being given this life is what’s in it for us. The joy of having people to love and care for is what’s in it for us. The joy of tucking our children in at night, with full tummies and warm blankets and hearts that know they are loved, is what’s in it for us. All the household responsibilities that come with family…laundry, dishes, home-cooked meals - all the supposed burdens that women often complain about - are blessings and signs that we have a full and rich life.
Would that we embraced the care of our home and the nourishment of our family - both mind and body - with the utmost love and attention. Would that we viewed the critical environment of home life as Miller so accurately wrote,
“A true home is one of the most sacred of places. It is a sanctuary into which men flee from the world’s perils and alarms. It is a resting place to which at close of day the weary retire to gather new strength for the battle and toils of tomorrow. It is the place where love learns its lessons, where life is schooled into discipline and strength, where character is molded. Few things we can do in this world are so well worth doing as the making of a beautiful and happy home. He who does this builds a sanctuary for God and opens a fountain of blessing for men. […] Far more than we know, do the strength and beauty of our lives depend upon the home in which we dwell. The children who are brought up in a true home go out trained and equipped for life’s battles and tasks, carrying in their heart a secret of strength which will make them brave and loyal to God, and will keep them pure in the world’s severest temptations. He who goes forth in the morning from a happy, loving, prayerful home, into the world’s strife, temptation, struggle, and duty, is strong - inspired for noble and gracious living.”
If the reader hasn’t caught on, I highly recommend J.R. Miller’s HomeMaking. Reading it will do nothing but beautify your home life and sanctify your soul.
Finally, and once again contrary to popular assumption, the freedom that comes with homemaking is beyond that of any other vocation. G.K. Chesterton wrote, “Of all modern notions the worst is this, that domesticity is dull” (What’s Wrong With the World, 1910). There is nothing dull nor confining to having all the hours in the day to live as you please with the betterment of your loved ones in mind. “The home is the only place of liberty,” Chesterton continued, “It is the only place on earth where a man can alter arrangements suddenly, make an experiment or indulge in a whim. Everywhere else he goes he must accept the strict rules of the shop […] Indeed, man is not so free. The average man has to obey orders and can do nothing else. He has to put one dull brick on another dull brick, and do nothing else. The [homemaker’s] work is creative and individual. She can put the flowers or the furniture in fancy arrangements of her own. I fear the brick layer cannot put the bricks in fancy arrangements of his own.”
How we lost our vision of this reality! In the home we can be as creative as we wish with our desserts and dishes, gardens and gates, furniture and flowers; we can dance around in pretty dresses to any musical piece of our choice, teaching our children to love life and enjoy it to the fullest; we can host friends and family and neighbors with true hospitality, not rushed and distracted, but sitting down around coffee and tea and food crafted with love, and listening…really listening (who listens anymore?) to the cares and joys and worries of our friends. But we’ve chosen in this era to forsake the home, outsource our children, neglect our marriages, be unavailable for our friends and neighbors, and be confined to the “strict rules of the shop.” Chesterton rightly insisted, “The child ought to look on his mother as a fountain of natural fun and poetry, but how can he unless the fountain is available to play?”
“The home is the only place of liberty”
- J.R. Miller
In the home we are given all the liberty to play - to carry on and live out for a lifetime all our childhood dreams and fantasies when we would dress up as brides and nurse our baby dolls and decorate our doll houses and pretend to cook in our play-kitchen. Yet the splendor of it has only increased with adulthood, as the true shaping of souls and nurturing of life is now in actuality in our hands.
Our husbands only get one wife. Our children only get one mother and one childhood. We have the inestimable opportunity and privilege to make the home of these precious humans given to us one of refreshment, beauty, nourishment, wisdom, and love. May we never take this lightly. May we never think we are missing out on something better. May we never lose sight of the incalculable impact we are making through our loving dedication to the health of our home. May we confidently know the immense purpose and value of the work that we do, and daily delight in bringing a joyful and grateful spirit to the atmosphere of our home, living intentionally to display goodness, truth, and beauty, and drawing our refreshment from the Source of life Himself.
I hear little patters of footsteps upstairs now. It is time for me to hold little children in my arms, to sing and pray with them, to thank God for a new day, and to try our new syrup on our new pancake recipe. There is a full day of learning, loving, reading, writing, playing, planting, dancing, dining, and making new discoveries ahead. Indeed, there is a full day of life ahead, in this precious place we call home.
The Forgotten Value of Homemaking was written by Laura Dill. You can reach her on Instagram @gracefully.laura.
This piece was first published in Issue 42 of the WARKITCHEN, explore the rest of the issue here. Enjoy the experience 🥂
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Beautiful words. Thank you!